The Sky Isn't Falling: Practical Reminders for Personal Peace of Mind
/We live in a world where we are more connected than ever. While the Internet certainly has its benefits it also ushers in an onslaught of daily and dire warnings. Politics, wars, xenophobia, housing crisis, hate crimes, virus outbreaks, death, disease, and the list goes on and on.
Cartoon Credit Mark Anderson
We are slammed with information and red alerts on social media, the news, in our conversations, email, blogs, podcasts, listserves, our work places, and in our homes and places of worship. It can be stressful, exhausting and anxiety provoking to deal with the onslaught of bad news, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
While we cannot control every outcome, we can take steps to support our mental and emotional wellness during these turbulent times. Consider implementing the following to help gently anchor yourself:
Fill Your Cup First
Start your day with filling your self care cup first. A walk in nature for 20 minutes, savor a few minutes to yourself over coffee or your favorite tea, enjoy time with your family or pets, stretch, or spend some mindful moments in meditation and/or prayer. A favorite saying we therapists reference is, “put the oxygen mask on yourself first.” Self care is not selfish, and you cannot pour from an empty cup no matter who you are.
Limit Social Media
Step away from social media and break the habit of checking Facebook at the start and end of every day. Instead, think about the things you enjoyed prior to social media; do more of those things that bring you joy.
One of the best decisions I made last year was to unfollow pages that increased my unease. Taking a social media “fast” or unfollowing pages or people that increase your anxiety or leave you feeling hopeless is wise. Invite in more uplifting information and connect with healthy supportive others on social media.
And, while you are at it, step away from the bickering, ugliness and unkindness that flows through social media. Lady GaGa said it best when she called social media the toilet of the Internet.
Set your Intention with Kindness
Start your day by setting your intention. What do you want to focus on today? How do you want to interact with others? Who do you want to engage with? Deciding the what, how and who at the start of your day can help you focus on what and who is worthy of your time and attention.
Gentle Reminder: Kindness is always in style. You may disagree with your friend or neighbor, but how does being unkind while you are disagreeing help? Calling someone a name, firing off an angry or abusive text or email helps no one. You may feel a rush or release in the moment, however, unless you are a sociopath or malignant narcissist, you will regret your choice soon after.
Let’s extend one another the benefit of the doubt, return to common courtesy, and practice ways of being kinder in a world that is so often unkind. And let’s remember to think before we speak, especially when it comes to gossip and hurtling traumatizing words.
A colleague I do not know well sent an unkind email to me recently telling me to “Shove it up my ass” in response to something I had posted. It had nothing to do with this person, and yet this individual was triggered. He has no idea that I am a sexual trauma survivor and that sending a woman (or any human being) violent and traumatic words like this is terribly abusive not to mention incredibly unprofessional. It’s a sad day when we have healers acting this way. This needs to change. Wearing a mask in public that is greatly different that the way you conduct yourself behind the scenes will catch up to a person.
That said, it it is important to know, name and maintain boundaries with unsafe, abusive or unkind people who do not have your best interests at heart. If someone has treated you poorly, has been abusive in their words or actions, has attempted to tear down your spirit or sense of self worth, and this person (a friend, partner, spouse, co-worker, colleague or family member) is unwilling to make an authentic amends, then this is not a healthy person to interact with. Honor yourself and give that person a wide berth with solid boundaries.
Invite those in to your life who genuinely care for you, support you and cheer you on. Not just in their words, but in their actions. Good friends are like rare gems, when you find a tribe mate, treat them well.
Invite in Humor
Sometimes laugher (when not at the expense of others) truly is the best medicine, especially for therapists and healers who are dealing with the vicarious trauma of supporting those dealing with mental illness, addiction grief, suffering, trauma and a myriad of other human challenges.
I’ve often said that those closest to me, the friends and loved ones who are most precious, are people I not only trust and respect, but those who have my back, who are loyal, and who make me laugh. A good belly laugh each day is so important to our health and well being. Remember when healthy humor and laughter was still a good thing?
Take a Brain Break
Unplug periodically during your day. I like to walk, stretch, listen to music, read or just zone out on Neflix. Setting aside a few minutes each day to rest your brain is vital. We have so much information inundating us 24/7, that giving ones self a permission slip to just “be” is an act of self love.
Burn out is a tricky little sucker, and can sneak up on a person. Signs of burn out include:
Irritability
Sleeplessness
Overall Fatigue
Increased Stress
Feelings of Envy
Increased Worry
Compromised Immune System
Decreased concentration
Giving your body and brain a break, and taking in some “white space” to dream, relax and reset may feel difficult, but once you begin to practice this, you will begin to see how important it is. Remember, your life could depend on it.
Detaching from Outcomes
With all of the bad news swirling around us each day, with the negativity that each of us witness in the world, we must make a conscious and mindful choice to detach from what we cannot control.
For example, the CoronaVirus has dominated the news for the last several weeks and for good reason. This is a serious virus and it is important to stay informed. However, ruminating on the potential of being exposed, and sounding alarm bells like Chicken Little is not going to help you or your loved ones. Instead, being prepared vs. being paranoid is wise.
According to the Center for Disease Control, here are some common sense safety steps that you can take:
Wash your hands frequently during the day if out in public
Do not touch your face, nose, eyes
Sneeze or cough in to your arm or inside your shirt, not in to your hands
Do not openly cough and sneeze in public, be considerate
Remove your shoes, and wash your hands upon entering your home
Wipe down surfaces that are regularly exposed (phones, lunch boxes, toys, etc.)
Support your immune system with regular sleep and healthy foods and water
Take your vitamins and minerals
Stay away from crowds if possible
Give yourself permission not to expose yourself to those who are ill
Stay home if you are sick as to limit exposure to others
Stay away from emergency rooms unless it is an actual health emergency
Stock up on extra supplies such as medications, masks, water, healthy foods, and so forth. You do not want to be out in public if you are ill, or if there is an outbreak. Additionally, most areas of the country are vulnerable to natural disasters such as floods, hurricanes and earthquakes. Having these supplies on hand is always a good idea.
Consider child care if there is a school closure and be prepared
Work from home if possible if there is an outbreak of flu
For further information visit: www.cdc.gov
Anchoring Activities & Affirmations
What anchors you each day? Is it running or yoga? Maybe spending time with your signifiant other? Perhaps it is prayer and/or meditation. Control what you can control, let go of what you cannot control.
Whatever brings you more peace, joy, and enjoyment do more of that! I get it, it seems so simple, yet so challenging when we are feeling battered by a constant stream of media. Our world feels more angry than ever to me. I’ve also felt an increase of anger as well the last several years.
However, I’m no longer interested in investing my time and attention to people, places and things that refuse to grow, heal and evolve. Instead, I use my advocacy and energy for causes that matter to me. Supporting others brings me a sense of satisfaction knowing that while I cannot change the world, I can make changes in my humble little corner.
What is something you’d like to give your energy and attention to? Find that passion and do more of that!
What or who do you need to limit in your world, or even walk away from? Find the courage to do this.
Additionally, writing out an affirmation can also help calm a busy brain or an anxious heart. I have several quotes and scriptures that bring me peace, energy and comfort. I keep these little reminders around to read during the day - on my desk, on my fridge, in my bathroom. It helps me reset when my mind begins to feel the overwhelm of this world.
The Tide always Turns
In closing, I hope this information has brought a little glimmer of light, peace and hope in to your day or night. These are challenging times but we are up for the challenge! Be gentle with yourself, find your place of peace, and remember no one can steal your creativity, your incredible unique humanity, or your joy. It may feel like it at times, but hold on and remember: The tide always turns you awesome human being!
With kindness and support,
Mari