Social Media Etiquette for Therapists & Mental Health Professionals

Photo Credit Dayne Topkin

It seems that a blog on social media etiquette should not be needed for therapists - after all, don’t those of us in the mental health field learn, teach, model and practice good communication, healthy connections, ongoing self care, and appropriate boundaries and ethics? Most therapists and mental health professionals do, some do not, and others are not always sure what is appropriate and what isn’t, especially if they are new to the field or new to private practice. I’ve listed out common frustrations and faux pas that I frequently hear in my coaching, consulting and supervision roles in working with therapists across the United States and around the world below.

Before you begin reading…

Let me first preface this blog by stating that this is not a blog that is intended to lecture, scold or shame; rather I have written this to support, educate and validate. We don’t know what we don’t know, and we all start somewhere! We have all had social media mishaps and mistakes, I have had my doozies as well.

My hope is that information helps all of us do better when interacting on social media.

1. Offensive Comments 🤬
Let’s start with the obvious, or what should be obvious, the most egregious behaviors which are racist, homophobic, xenophobic, antisemitic, sexist, or ageist comments, or comments that ridicule a particular group of people, comments against marginalized people, or comments against a person’s religion or spiritual beliefs, or comments that make fun of a person’s age (young or older), or appearance. There is no room, ever, for comments like these on social media, on any platform, on a personal or professional page, or in a therapist group. Ever. If a person is holding these kinds of dangerous, inflexible and unexplored prejudices and extreme biases, and they are not willing to do the work to grow, heal and change, they may want to reconsider a career in the mental health field.

2. Politcal Arguments 😤
While each person has a right to their political beliefs, where they place their votes, and who they support, ugly verbal altercations on social media platforms between therapists, or in public or private therapy groups does not serve anyone, or advance any particular cause. I am an outspoken advocate on my private social media page where I express my opinions and thoughts as I choose, and I do so clearly and respectfully. Some people who are friends with me on my page may like or dislike what I post. They may share their differing opinions and we might respectfully debate on the privacy of my page. Entering into fruitless, circular squabbles with strangers (or colleagues who are strangers) on any social media platform does nothing more than increase stress and tension, bring negativity to our field, and (shocker) it won’t change the person’s opinion. I’ve done this before, especially a few years ago, but quickly learned that it was like spitting in the wind. Not wise, not productive, not professional, and it was a waste of my time and energy. Put your advocacy in action where it counts: write, march, vote, fundraise, support, volunteer, pray, mediate. VOTE.

3. Name Calling 😫
”Sweetheart”, “Honey”, “Babe”, “a-hole”, “idiot” and other mean spirited or potentially offensive words are unkind and do nothing to create healing and change in the world. Additionally, labeling people with diagnostic labels is unprofessional and unethical - we don’t call people “crazy, unhinged, nuts” or diagnose them online. If you are triggered on social media, use your tools. Take a break, take a breath, and take care of your own mental health.

4. Unwelcome Sexual Behaviors 😖
You’d think after the “Me Too” movement and the “Time’s Up” movement people would have better boundaries on social media. Sadly, that is not always the case. Sending “dick pics”, nude photos, sexually explicit jokes or videos, or unwelcome flirtatious comments are not ever appropriate. If you are a therapist doing this (yes, therapists have done this), then I implore you to step back from your work and seek the support you need in order to heal. These types of sexual offensive and sometimes offending behaviors are not welcome, and can create or trigger trauma. Is it worth being reported to your licensing board? Are the consequences worth it? Get help, get better.

5. Marketing your Services or Products on Colleagues’ Professional or Personal Pages 😕
Unless you are invited to do so, please do not market your products or services on your colleagues’ professional or private pages in the comments or in a post. If you would like a colleague to share about your work, send a message and ask if they are open to doing so. If you don’t know the colleague well or are recent friends, then build a relationship first before asking for favors. Marketing and networking is about relationship building - so build the relationship first. Interact on their pages, like, comment and follow, share their services or products. Then ask for their help.

6. Friending a Colleague Stranger on Social media and Immediately asking for a Favor 🙄
Thankfully this practice is falling out of popularity, likely because many of us are speaking up. I have spoken about this on podcasts, and written about this in previous blogs. Please. Stop. Doing. This. If you are excited about your new Facebook coaching or marketing group and it is part of your marketing plan and funnel, fabulous! However, do not race around friending therapists and then immediately within 5 minutes send them an invitation to your group. They don’t know you from Adam. Build a relationship first, get to know the person on social media, is this a person that you would want in your private group? How do they conduct themselves on their own pages? This practice is not generally well received by your peers. Additionally, don’t friend a colleague you don’t know, have never met, have never worked with, and immediately ask them to like or review your professional page if you don’t have a relationship with this person. Again, build the relationship first, and then ask for their support. In addition, give support in their direction as well.

7. Plagiarizing 😢
Just don’t. It is unethical. It is illegal. It is unprofessional. It is gross. It is traumatizing to the person who has been victimized in this way. Additionally, copying content or key word slogans from a website, article, blog, or post is also plagiarism and offensive and wrong. You know it and I know it. Don’t do this.

8. Stalking or Shadowing for Ideas ☹️
Equally repelling is shadowing people on social media, or stalking their personal or professional pages for the sole purpose of comparing the number of likes, reviews or followers they have, or to rip off their content or ideas, and to quietly keep track of what they are doing for your own gain. Taking a colleague’s idea, changing it very slightly, and acting as if it is your unique idea is not cool, not professional, not original and pretty banal. Guess what, people will catch on to this and no one likes a copycat. Trust that you have a wealth of creative ideas just waiting to blossom. If you are struggling, then seek support to figure out what is blocking your creativity from moving forward with your own ideas. Be unapologetically unique! Your original ideas and offerings will be far more interesting that repurposing your colleagues’ content and ideas. And, if you do share something that is your colleague’s idea, then tag them and give them credit.

9. Passive Aggressive Comments 😳
Just ew. We are therapists, can we please stop doing this? Let’s (truly) in words and actions be the change we wish to see in the world (Rumi), and model for others who are struggling. The world is hard enough, especially these days. People are in need of healing, not more hurt, including therapists. Let’s do better. We all have human moments so if you do this, own it. Don’t minimize or gaslight by dressing up your unkind comment as a “joke.” Don’t put someone down and then call it a “joke.” Don’t give a little dig in a comment as a “joke” - it only makes you look small and mean spirited. It takes so little to be kind and it doesn’t cost any of us anything to be compassionate.

Additionally, emojis are powerful communication icons now, like it or not, and they can be used as stingers. Laughing at someone you disagree with, the shocked face if someone has a different opinion, or you feel they are doing something over the top, the angry face, or even the hugging emoji if you are assuming that person is in need of that kind energy, or if you are trying to one up the person. Of course, if a post or comment elicits a reaction within you, if you are truly shocked or saddened, then to thine own self be true. If someone in your “friend” list is doing this to you, and you have spoken with them, or set a boundary and their behavior does not change, then you have every right to unfollow, unfriend, or block. You are not obligated to have unsafe people in your social media space, and you have every right to protect that space. I’d rather have quality than quantity any day, and I regularly weed out my friend list.

10. Humor? 🥸
I love to laugh and I am grateful for a sense of humor. My friends and family think I am pretty hilarious, as does my cat Stanley. But, people who don’t know me online might misunderstand my dry quips. Laugher is truly the best medicine at times, but not at the expense of others. It is important not to take ourselves too seriously while we keep in mind that people’s humor differs. People are diverse and what I may find funny, another may not. Being thoughtful to other peoples’ differences does not make one sensitive (which is not a bad thing), rather it brings about safety and connection, especially for neurodiverse people who are often misunderstood. Let’s not assume we all find the same things hilarious (with the exception of kitty videos, I think we can all agree those are pretty funny).

11. Lecturing, Negative Nellie Comments, Gossiping, and Energy Sucking 🤔
Not everything is a fight. Not every post or comment requires a big reaction. Sometimes it is OK to simply scroll on by and let it ride. Don’t be that person that constantly has to have the last word on every topic, or post the latest horrific social injustice (I’ve been that person, I own this), or express your outrage on a friend’s page if someone has a differing point of view (done this as well a time or ten), or add your “Debbie downer” comment on a fun post thread. It sucks your own energy dry, and it doesn’t add much of anything in the realm of healing, joy or change.

Additionally, gossip is a form of anger, if you find yourself messaging other therapists or people on social media to gossip about a colleague or friend, you may want to find another way of dealing with your hurt and anger that is informing this unhealthy behavior. No one wants to connect with that kind of a person. As a natural observer, what I have outlined in this paragraph can make or break a blossoming professional or personal relationship for me. Trust and respect are the two cornerstones that must be in place in every relationship in my life. If a person doesn’t have my back, that’s up to them, in that case, they can move on in their journey. Trust and respect are sacred and must be earned and maintained, in both directions. I am kind, but my boundaries are in tact with a capital T.

12. Not Sharing or Supporting 🧐
You’d think that therapists and healers would be the first to share each others services, products and offerings, right? Meh, not so much. I try hard to do this on the regular because I know how rare it is, and how much I appreciate it when others share or support my work. After all of these years in this field, I sure hope this changes, and I will continue to do what I can do be that change in this field. If a colleague publishes a book, a course, a blog, a podcast, I’m happy to share! If someone shares a success, I am happy to give a like and leave a congratulations comment. Let’s try and do more of this for one another. Let’s celebrate and support each other as healers. As the saying goes, “lighting another’s candle doesn’t diminish your own beautiful light." I also love this quote: “Be the person who fixes another person’s crown without telling the world it was crooked.”

One final thought, let’s all practice gratitude a bit more and thank each other more frequently. If a colleagues takes their time to answer your message or email, or share your work, or offers you a freebie, or answers your text, or provides you with supportive resources, or gives you an opportunity - at the very least take a moment to say, “Thank you.” We don’t work in a field where we expect our therapy clients to thank us. Many clients do, but that is not, nor should it be, the expectation. Thanking a colleague for their support, time, or service, is an act of self care. Let’s keep celebrating one another and helping each other shine.

In that spirit, in the comments below, I would like to invite you to do 3 things: 1. Introduce yourself and share your thoughts, 2. Thank someone who has supported you recently, and 3. Share something that you are excited about in your practice (a book, a service, a podcast, etc.).

May the information shared here go out into our mental health field and help each of us to interact with one another more compassionately, professionally, kindly, and supportively in the social media (and real time) space.

Kindly and with compassion,
Mari